CHAPTER 61
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 61 ~ Opening Up
During his lunch break on Wednesday, Severus took the completed docu-pensieve to his solicitor for patenting and to be put on the market. Hermione had already signed off on the paperwork, and when Severus signed his own signature, he felt a sudden, wrenching tug inside…then a breaking or feeling of separation.
He immediately knew his patronage to Hermione Granger had ended. The docu-pensieve would bring in enough galleons to cover his expenditures while the witch was under his protection as well as a lofty profit. For all intents and purposes, the conditions of the agreement had been met satisfactorily, and the witch was no longer his charge.
The wizard sat there, looking rather stunned. He had known it was coming but not so soon. Bartleby looked up at him.
“Are you all right, Severus?” the solicitor asked the Potions Master. He had been in Severus’ employ for years and they were on a first name basis.
Severus blinked at him.
“Yes. Yes I am fine, Bartleby,” he replied, rising. “Please file those papers as soon as possible for me. I will contact you in a few days to check on your progress.”
Bartleby nodded and watched the wizard depart with his brow furrowed. He had become familiar with the Potions Master concerning how he handled his business. The wizard was definitely out of sorts.
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Hermione had been working on filling Severus’ healing potion quota for Poppy when she felt a powerful surge of magic around her, pulling at her insides. She felt a kind of “pop” and then a sense of losing something. She knew immediately that her patronage to the Professor was over and she was free to pursue whatever she wanted now. Her brow furrowed, she finished the potions thoughtfully.
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Friday evening, Hermione was chomping at the bit to find out how the interview went and what the Potions Master wanted to do as far as posing for Playwitch.
When he arrived, Hermione was sitting at his desk, looking over a few parchments. She looked up at him and smiled a welcome, then went back to her perusing. Curious, Severus walked over to the desk and stood behind the witch, looking over her shoulder. He frowned darkly. She was looking at ads for flats.
“What is this?” he demanded.
Hermione looked up at him.
“I’m looking for a flat, Severus. I am sure you know that our agreement has been fulfilled. I have to find my own place to live now,” the witch said.
Severus scowled.
“You can continue to stay here,” he said shortly. “I have plenty of room.”
Hermione shook her head.
“I don’t want to live with a wizard that’s not my husband, Severus. I still have some sense of what’s right. When I move in with a man, I want it to be my first and last time. I want it to be forever,” she said.
“A very skewed sense of right,” the wizard snorted, “You’ve lived here…slept in my bed and I am not your husband.”
Hermione’s eyes narrowed.
“That was because of the patronage, Severus. I would have done neither if not for that,” the witch said evenly.
“I don’t see why you won’t stay here. You love me,” the wizard said, his dark eyes glittering at the witch. “You want to continue with me…”
Hermione turned completely in the swivel chair to face him.
“I can continue with you and still have my own flat, Severus. You can visit me or I could visit you. We could alternate,” she said, her amber eyes meeting his.
Severus fell silent. He didn’t want her to leave his home…but marriage?
“Are you trying to rope me into marrying you witch?” he demanded, angry now.
“What?” Hermione responded, outraged. “No, I’m not trying to make you marry me! But I do want to get married someday, Severus and have a family like normal witches.”
Severus’ eyes widened. He hadn’t even considered that Hermione would want a husband and family. He thought that they would continue as they were.
“I’m not the marrying kind,” he said in a low voice.
“I know, Severus,” Hermione said, sadness in her voice, “You’re also not the kind of wizard to love a witch either or…at least the kind of wizard to admit to it. I figured we could continue together for a while and then, when the time comes…and if nothing more has developed between us, we can part amicably. I do love you, Severus and will hold on to the hope that you can one day love me…but I won’t do it forever. If I see there is no growth…I will have to move on. It’s better you know that now.”
“What kind of love is that, witch?” Severus demanded, “If you can walk away from me?”
“A sensible love, Severus. As it is, our relationship is one-sided. I love you. By your own admission, you don’t love me. I believe you feel more for me than you are admitting and that’s why I’m willing to keep our relationship going…but if I find I am wrong about you…then it will make no sense to go on, because there will never be anything more between us. I don’t want to die childless and a spinster. I want to leave more behind than spells, potions and docu-pensieves. What good is my intelligence if I don’t pass it on?” she asked the wizard who stared down at her.
“But that means, witch…that while we are together you will be…at least subconsciously, comparing me to other wizards…others you might find more suitable to your…your dreams,” he said quietly.
Severus felt his stomach clutch as he realized this. His sexual prowess wouldn’t help him in this matter. He could fuck Hermione into conniptions every night and while she might be physically satisfied, she would still have a hunger for more.
Hermione sighed.
“You may be right, Severus. I might do that, subconsciously…but I will be true to you. My love will make sure of that,” she said softly, rising from the chair and moving close to the wizard. “Until you show me without a doubt my love will never be returned. Right now, I am hopeful.”
Severus looked at the witch for a moment, then walked away, Hermione looking after him. She knew he was torn by what she said, but it had to be said. She was a young witch and wanted a full life. She wasn’t going to give all that up for him, no matter how much she loved him.
The wizard silently walked down to his bedroom, entered it and closed the door. Hermione returned to the desk and the advertisements, her heart heavy.
“Marriage. She wants a husband and a family. I’ve never even thought about the possibility of a family,” the wizard said to himself as he paced back and forth in his room, his hands clasped behind his back, scowling.
He didn’t like the idea that the witch’s subtext throughout their relationship would be focused on such a commitment, or on finding a wizard who had the same goal in mind. Married to Hermione Granger. Having a wife. Children.
Severus snorted. He never believed such a thing would be possible for him. He was an outcast, a pariah. He wasn’t heir to the kind of life normal wizards were. So he never entertained how he felt about it. It would have been dwelling on a cruel, unattainable dream at best.
Children?
If he had children, they would be brilliant. Especially with Hermione as a mother. She’d stuff them full of knowledge until it dribbled out of their ears.
Severus caught himself. What the fuck was he thinking? He wasn’t husband material, at least not in his estimation. What if they married and found that they couldn’t get along? They would be stuck with each other until death. He didn’t want an unhappy marriage. His parents’ marriage ended tragically because they were unsuitable for each other…though there had to be a time they were in love.
Severus considered. Maybe they still did love each other, but situations arose that changed both of them. His father was abusive and would beat his mother when she didn’t meet his approval. But after he killed her in a fit of rage, he apparently killed himself because of grief and remorse. The Potions Master didn’t know for sure. But Severus did know he had a terrible temper of his own, though he managed to keep it under control for the most part, his aggression emerging as sarcasm and cruel words rather than physical blows.
But was he like his father? Would he ever turn violent towards Hermione? He hated to think that it was possible, but muggles believed that such things ran in the family, and they appeared to be quite sharp in divining motivations. He wouldn’t want to subject the witch to abuse. On the other hand, his father never struck him, and would send him to his room before violating his mother…but Severus still heard her screams. Neither of them would talk about it the next day. For the most part, his mother and father pretended nothing had happened at all, though the bruises were apparent through the makeup his mother wore.
Severus blinked back the water that filled his eyes. His mother had been a beautiful woman, petite and curvaceous like Hermione, with dark brown hair and light brown eyes…not quite amber. Severus was almost the spitting image of his father. Tall, pale, and lank-haired.
His mother had been the last kind influence in his life, other than Albus. Her death sealed his fate as a cold, anti-social pariah. He didn’t have her comfort any longer, and was beset upon by his peers. Without love…he sought power. Power would protect and fulfill him. Or so he thought.
The wizard sat on the side of the bed and rested his head in his hands.
He had never told Hermione his history or background. Now he felt it important to do so. Hermione didn’t need to provide such information to Severus…he had known her since a child. The wizard took a deep breath, opened the door and returned to the living room. He looked at Hermione who was still poring over flat ads.
“Hermione, could I talk to you a moment?” he asked her.
The witch looked up at the wizard. There was something in his eyes that compelled her to get up immediately as the wizard moved to the armchairs in front of the fireplace.
“Please sit down,” he said softly.
Hermione did so, looking at him curiously.
“What do you want to talk about Severus?” she asked him.
The wizard met her eyes.
“Me. I want to tell you about me, Hermione. My background, my parentage, my past. You only know me as a teacher at Hogwarts and a member of the Order. You know nothing about my upbringing, the kind of life I come from. You’ve said you want the “happily ever after” scenario. I’ve never considered it for many reasons. My past is most likely part of the reason why, though I haven’t thought about it for a while. I’ve never told anyone my life story witch. You will be the first to hear it. Maybe if you do, you will understand me better…my hesitation and my fears,” he said softly, his rich voice washing over Hermione.
“Tell me, Severus,” she said softly. “Tell me everything.”
Severus looked at her, then rose and prepared himself a nice, stiff firewhiskey. He told himself it was because he had a taste for it, but in reality, he needed a bit of liquid courage. He had never bared his soul before.
The wizard sat down in the armchair and took a sip of the drink, his black eyes resting on the flames in the fireplace.
“My life began on January ninth…” he began, Hermione glued to his every word. This was his life story.
And what a story it was.
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A/N: Wow. Getting deep and heavy. The patronage agreement is dissolved and Hermione is looking for a flat and tells the wizard she wants a husband and family. He wasn’t ready for that. Now he’s done some soul searching and is letting the witch into his private world. He’s never done that before. He’s growing. Please review.