Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery

Chapter 22 ~ An Ending

Severus had breakfast in the Great Hall and visited the infirmary, to check on her condition.

“No improvement,” Poppy said, her eyes sad.

Severus sat with her for five minutes. That’s all he could stand. He returned to the dungeons and his classes to try and undo the damage Albus caused while he was away. The old wizard obviously had never heard of a lesson plan. Raucous stayed on watching the witch, and sent him images.

Severus taught class with a kind of dual vision. He saw Hermione start to spasm and Raucous called out. Madam Pomfrey rushed over with her wand and tried to stop the spasming, but it went on for about ten minutes before it stopped. Hermione lay there pale. Poppy administered more potions but the witch’s color didn’t change.

After class, Severus returned to the infirmary. Poppy still had no good news. Severus stayed twenty minutes this time before going to supper, and spending the rest of the evening going over parchments. Raucous remained by Hermione’s bedside, sending the Potions Master images. Hermione was spasming quite frequently now, and didn’t seem to be improving at all. Severus watched as Harry, Ron and Ginny came to visit her, all of them crying.

Her parents arrived too, and spent several hours in vigil, Hermione’s mother tenderly brushing the witch’s hair, then bursting into tears as her father held the distraught woman. They too, left, deciding not to stay at the castle for one reason or another. Severus expected it was because they were too upset to be in the magical world that damaged their child. Poppy tended Hermione throughout the night, Severus watching on and off, the witch set strongly in his mind.

At about five in the morning, Severus was awakened by a voice coming from the floo in his study. It was Poppy.

“Severus? Severus!” the medi-witch called.

Severus looked at the image of Hermione. She was extremely pale and Albus Dumbledore sat beside her, holding her hand.

Severus quickly dressed and walked into the study.

“Yes Poppy?” he answered the witch.

“You’d better come. She hasn’t much time left…that is…if you want to,” the medi-witch said.

Severus stood there a moment. Then he picked up some floo powder, threw it in the flames and stepped through the floo.

He arrived in the infirmary, and Poppy walked beside him as he headed for the privacy curtain that concealed Hermione.

“Her condition has been steadily deteriorating, Severus. The spasms are interrupting her healing. It seems her body is shutting down. There’s nothing else I can do,” the medi-witch said, tears rolling down her face, “She’s dying.”

Severus pulled back the curtain and entered. He walked up to Hermione’s cot and looked down at her. Her skin was paler than his, her face sunken and her lips blue. She was breathing shallowly, every now and then a small tremor shaking her. The Potions Master looked at Albus and Poppy.

“May I be alone with her?” he asked them. Both nodded. Albus rose and Severus took his seat. Both witch and wizard left the dark wizard alone with the dying witch.

Severus looked down at Hermione. What a difference between this pale creature, and the vibrant, aggravating witch he knew. He touched her hand…it was cold as ice.

“I know I told you to withdraw from me, Miss Granger, but I never realized at what lengths you would go to do just that,” he said to the witch. She shuddered.

He blinked down at her.

“I guess you’re going to die a virgin after all. A shame really. I had planned…” his voice faltered.

“You know, Albus told me something last night I needed to hear. Something about myself…my own self-righteousness. He gave me something to think about, something that hit home,” he said.

He took the witch’s cold hand in his own and brought it to his lips. He didn’t kiss it. He just held it there, the cold palm pressed against his mouth, stealing his heat.

“Miss Granger…you might have been the one, you know. You were stubborn enough to break me, make me second-guess myself. You might have been stubborn enough to make me feel love. I’m not saying I would have turned into some sweet canary cream…but I might have been happy. You are exceptional. You always have been from the first time I watched you walk into Hogwarts. You were so eager, so happy, so willing to learn how to be the best witch you could be. You were meant for great things. In your second year you were brewing potions seventh years could barely get a handle on…and you questioned everything…gods you were so annoying, but so inspiring. I gave you hell because everyone else was bowing down to your intelligence. You didn’t need that. You needed to be challenged and tested and tried. That’s why you never got the marks you deserved, because I wanted more from you. You stepped up time and time again.”

“I saw how you were treated by the other students. Used for your mind, cast aside in the social strata. But you didn’t curl up and cry. You didn’t feel sorry for yourself that you were an odd duck. You embraced your oddness and made up your mind you would excel. You were brilliant. Brilliant. I was quite taken by your infatuation with me. It was a guilty pleasure to watch your fantasies. But you were becoming one of them. One of those unfaithful, untrustworthy women. Your purity was marred in my eyes by your sex. Albus made me see last night, that I created those women I envisioned…calculatingly and coldly. I beat them down until I could prove them unworthy. I made them unworthy, Miss Granger. Because of the one woman that broke my heart.”

“I’m sorry I waited now. I should have taken what you offered me, given you what you wanted from me. So few have ever wanted anything from me without strings or conditions. You stomached everything, everything and continued to feel kindness towards me. I told you I am not a kind man, and I will probably never be one now, now that you are leaving this world. I’m not saying you would have changed me…but the truth is my situation has changed with the death of the Dark Lord. I can be who I want now. I am not bound anymore. Happiness seems something that is not so distant anymore. But who would want me other than you?”

Severus took her hand from his mouth. She shuddered again, her breath growing shallower.

“Damn you, Miss Granger,” he said his face contorting. His eyes were getting wet and he couldn’t help it.

“Why the fuck couldn’t you just stay put? Why did your damnable Gryffindor nature choose to make its appearance right at the moment Voldemort cast that spell. If I had died, then it would have been a deserved death. I am guilty of so many wrongs and so many deaths by keeping that bastard alive as long as I did. You have taken my death, Miss Granger, and given me your young life…and a guilt that I will never be free from. There is nothing I can do to make this right. You only wanted to be with me. No conditions. Nothing. Then you tried to be free of me, and I wouldn’t let you go. If I had been less selfish, and let my blood free you…then you would not be dying in front of my eyes. You would be studying, experiencing, growing…making your beautiful plans for an important future. But now…now you will only be fodder for flowers and worms. See what love does, Miss Granger? See what a killer it really is?”

He pressed Hermione’s hand to his forehead.

“I am going to mourn you until the day I die. Not because I love you, but because I extinguished you. You would have been a bright flame in the wizarding world. Why did you have to love a man as miserable as me? Why did you have to become familiar with a man of such misery? Why did you throw your life away for a love that was never whole? Why did you think me even worthy, Miss Granger? I was not worthy.”

Hermione sighed deeply, shuddered, then fell still.

Severus blinked down at her, and felt water streaming down his face for the first time in thirty years. There was no need to run and call Poppy. There was nothing more the medi-witch could do. Nothing more anyone could do.

Hermione Granger was gone.

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A/N: Oh no! Please review.

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The Burning Pen

Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery
by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence. Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately. You are not welcome here. The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 23

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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