Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery

Chapter 38 ~ A Kitty Can Build a Pretty Good Doghouse

Hermione visited the Headmaster’s office later in the day to arrange for her floo to be keyed to Crookshanks so he could enter and exit without the need for floo powder. Albus took care of it immediately, greeting the cat warmly.

Crookshanks purred as the wizard scratched him between the ears, and yowled a greeting at Fawkes, who gave him a welcoming croon.

“Has our friend Raucous met Crookshanks yet?” the Headmaster asked Hermione, his blue eyes twinkling.

“Well, not formally,” Hermione said, “But Crookshanks gave him quite a greeting when I was returning from London this morning. And Severus too.”

The witch smirked at the memory of the cat shredding the bottom of the dark wizard’s robes. Now he knew how it felt to be attacked by an animal for no other reason than it didn’t like him.

The Headmaster scrutinized the witch.

“And how is Severus?” he asked her, noting her blush. “Has there been an improvement in his temperament since the death of Voldemort?”

“Snarky as ever,” she replied shortly. “As far as I know.”

Albus was fully aware that Hermione and the Potions Master were lovers, and very active lovers if the halls of Hogwarts were reporting correctly…which he was sure they were.

Hogwarts castle was quite interesting, and linked to the current Headmaster. Certain areas of the castle could almost be deemed alive. These areas moved about the castle at large, and retained images of what occurred within their boundaries, but gave up these secrets only to the Headmaster of the school which was why Albus seemed so all-knowing.

Albus wasn’t aware of everything the couple had done, as these areas did not broach the private quarters of students or staff, but he was aware of some of their indiscretions. So long as they weren’t caught, Albus decided to let them have at it, particularly Severus who had led such a harsh, disciplined and controlled life during his service to the Dark Lord. It did Albus’ heart good to see the Professor indulging himself freely with a beautiful young witch and finding pleasure in it. Hermione was good for him. And by the glow he saw in the witch, it was obvious the dark wizard was good for her as well.

Albus had often worried about Hermione on an emotional level. The witch was brilliant, but always seemed to avoid emotional entanglements of a personal nature. This included making friends as well. She still moved primarily in the circle she had formed in Hogwarts and had not extended beyond them. She was a sober, solitary young witch for the most part, and Albus worried Hermione would not experience the crazy, passionate side of life the young were blessed with. She certainly seemed to have struck gold with the Potions Master.

Albus was a bit of a voyeur. Quite a bit actually. It was his one major character flaw, but he embraced it. Perfection after all, is nothing but stagnation and Albus Dumbledore was kind, charitable and wise, but far from perfect. He had witnessed the couple’s ardor on more than one occasion, and actually feared for Hermione, but the witch seemed capable of handling Severus’ rather harsh possessions admirably. He could only tell they were harsh because of how the witch was moving.

The Potions Master seemed to prefer being disillusioned when being ‘spontaneous’ with the witch. The viewings were quite exciting…he had to visit Minerva immediately afterward to work off his own head of steam. Their sex life had never been better since the couple got together. But Albus never told the Transfiguration Professor the source of his newfound virility and only said it was not due to any magical enhancement.

“Just a natural reaction to a wonderfully enticing woman, my dear,” he’d tell the blushing witch afterward. Minerva was not as much of a prude as Hermione thought.

Hermione thanked the Professor and headed back to the dungeons, taking the stairs rather than the Headmaster’s floo, Crookshanks following behind her in the manner that cats do…in other words, pretending he wasn’t following her, stopping to sniff here and dawdle there. He lagged behind her as they entered the dungeon area, then suddenly he raced forward, pouncing into a shadow.

A loud squawk followed and Raucous flew past Hermione toward the Main Hall, pursued by Crookshanks, who had a long, black feather between his jaws. After a merry run, Crookshanks returned to Hermione and dropped the feather at her feet as an offering. This was much better than the spiders, small birds and rodents he proudly delivered to her in the past. Hermione bent down and caressed him, then picked up the feather and twirled it in her hand, grinning wickedly.

“Crookshanks, I’m so glad you’re here,” she said, starting to walk again, playing with the raven feather as she did so.

Crookshanks walked in front of her now, making sure nothing else unpleasant was hiding in the shadows. With the exception of a couple of spiders, which the cat quickly consumed, there were no more threats to his mistress. That is until the Potions office door opened and Severus appeared.

Crookshanks stood between Severus and Hermione, his back arched high as he spit a warning at the Potions Master to come no closer, who looked down his nose at the feline, thinking he’d make a nice winter muff.

Severus looked at Hermione, who was unconcernedly unlocking her door.

“I imagine you could add ‘cockblocking’ to your cat’s list of dubious talents,” he said.

He noticed the long black feather in the witch’s hand.

“That looks like one of my familiar’s tail feathers,” he commented, frowning slightly, “What did you do to him now?”

Hermione gave him a dark smirk.

“I didn’t do anything to him. Crookshanks found him hiding in the shadows waiting to ambush me like he always does, and gave the stupid bird what for,” she said smugly.

Severus’ eyebrows lifted in realization.

“You brought that blasted cat here for Raucous,” he said darkly, frowning at the cat.

Hermione smirked again.

“Actually, I brought him here for company. His dislike of Raucous is a perk. At least I have protection now. More than what you gave me,” she said, her amber eyes narrowing at him.

Severus was about to reply when Crookshanks launched himself at his robes again, this time aiming his spread-clawed leap much higher, aiming for a more impressive target. As the cat landed, clinging to him, Severus whipped out his wand and stunned the animal. Crookshanks dropped like a sack of rock cakes.

Hermione gasped, ran to her fallen pet, and scooped him up.

She scowled at the Potions Master.

“Severus! How could you?” she said to him, holding Crookshanks close.

“Hermione, I am not going to stand here and let your cat shred my private parts simply because he belongs to you and feels territorial,” Severus replied frowning, “If he’s so smart you need to explain to him about our relationship. Otherwise, you’re going to be carrying him about quite a bit. You have no right to be angry with me about this. You attack Raucous all the time, and I have never taken you to task for it.”

“Severus, you’ve fucked me almost senseless getting revenge for that damn bird,” she replied. “Just because I’m shrieking doesn’t mean I don’t hear everything you say.”

Severus couldn’t help smirking a little. He did give it to her good during his ‘retributive fucks”. Raucous did figure into the equation somewhat, though primarily it was the acts she performed against him personally that she received the high, hard ones for.

“Those particular fuckings are the result of a compiled list of your most recent wrongs toward me, not just Raucous. As his caretaker, the indignities he’s suffered by your hands happens to fall under that umbrella as well. I’d be lax in my duties toward him otherwise.”

Hermione frowned at Severus. Did he actually listen to the things that came out of his mouth? She would have thrown up her hands in exasperation if she hadn’t been holding Crookshanks.

The witch’s face grew very dark. Two could play at this.

“You know what, Severus? Maybe I should take a lesson from you about paybacks for pets. How about this. You fuck Raucous, all right? I’m hereby going on a sexual strike until you promise not to hex my cat anymore,” she said stalking into her rooms.

Crookshanks opened one eye at the Professor as the witch carried him in. Severus could have sworn the damn animal smiled at him.

Severus tried to follow Hermione and the door slammed shut within an inch of his big nose. He stood there and stared at the closed entrance for a moment, then tried the knob. It was locked. Shit.

Well there went his plans for a sexless night with the witch. Looked like it was going to be a sexless few days now. Damn that cat.

Suddenly Severus let out a powerful sneeze. He looked down at his robes. They were absolutely covered in cat hair. Not just the usual amount of stray shed hairs, but hundreds of the little ginger fibers, spreading their dander all over him. No normal cat should shed like that. But then again Crookshanks wasn’t a normal cat…he was part kneazle. Severus looked at the great amount of cat hair on him…Crookshanks couldn’t possibly have left that much hair on him purposely, could he?

The Professor thought about it. No. That was impossible. He was a cat, not a person. He wouldn’t intentionally leave cat hair to make him sneeze.

Severus scourgified the cat hair from his robes and sneezed again, drawing a handkerchief from his shirt pocket and dabbing at his nose.

He began walking toward the main hall. As he turned the corner, Raucous landed on his shoulder and frantically sent him images of a huge ginger-colored creature with dripping fangs and huge claws pursing him.

“That’s Crookshanks, Raucous. Hermione’s cat,” Severus said as he mounted the stair, the bird hanging on, a horrified look on his face.

Cat? That crazy witch had a cat now? Oh Great Birdies of the Morning.

Raucous let out a string of birdie obscenities.

Severus sighed.

“I know how you feel, Raucous. The damn cat hasn’t been here more than two hours and he’s cut off my access to Hermione indefinitely. She won’t let me fuck her unless I promise not to hex the creature. But then I would be putting myself at risk. Crookshanks hates me,” Severus said glumly.

Raucous had the answer. He projected a picture of Severus fucking a faceless woman, then one of devil-Hermione with a big red X over her.

“No, Raucous. Fucking another woman isn’t the answer. I have a preference for Hermione. It just wouldn’t be the same.”

Raucous squawked at him and sent an image of a huge tree full of female ravens. The raven was mounting one after the other, happily making his way through the boughs. Then he sent an image of crowds applauding and shouting while balloons were released and confetti rained down.

“I know having a lot of different women to fuck seems like great fun, Raucous, but sometimes you just want one good one,” Severus said quietly. “One that’s just for you.”

The raven squawked in disgust. He sent Severus the image of a hot marshmallow falling in on itself.

“I am not soft, Raucous,” he said a bit defensively, “One woman is convenient and relatively safe. A wizard doesn’t have to worry about catching wizarding STDs if he has one faithful partner. He doesn’t have to go hunting around for pussy if he has it handy and randy waiting for him to just…well…dive in. That saves a lot of extra effort, galleons and time.”

Discussing the perks of monogamy with his familiar was making Severus more aware of what he was missing out on with Hermione cutting him off. With that cat around, and him in the doghouse he didn’t dare do his disillusioned lover bit. Hermione would probably hex him to pieces. The look in her eyes when she gave her ultimatum was extremely serious. The witch never budged on an issue when she looked like that. It was almost like a Wizard’s Oath.

As he approached the infirmary, he thought about the oath she’d taken to bind herself to him so she would never take another lover while he lived. Hermione was exasperating, infuriating, stubborn and headstrong, but she loved him. And as she had shown him night after night, willing to do just about anything to please him…

Severus’ brow furrowed as he entered the infirmary to get the list of potions Poppy needed restocked.

Next time he got hold of Hermione, he’d have to adjust “she’d do just about anything” to “she’d do everything.”

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A/N: All right…another chappie. Hermione’s on strike, and Severus is going to probably have to give in if he wants to ‘get on’ the Hermione express anytime soon. Crookshanks and his fur are something else. Raucous isn’t pleased about the cat at all. Lots of things going on. More lemons coming up…though I have a feeling they are going to be pretty sour. Please review.

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The Burning Pen

Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery
by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence. Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately. You are not welcome here. The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 39

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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