Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery

Chapter 4 ~ Meeting of the Meanies

After class was dismissed, a delighted Raucous remained with Hermione as she went through pile after pile of dragon dung, cursing the Professor as she did so. After about two shit-filled hours, she finally finished. The witch stunk to high heaven. She rolled the cart into the lab, dumped the platters of cleaned dung into the vat, and sealed it securely.

She exited the lab and the Potions classroom, using her robes to turn the knobs as she did so. Raucous flew behind her. There was no way he was sitting on the shoulder of the stinky witch. Some Slytherin students were passing as Hermione stepped into the dungeons.

“I think I smell a Gryffindor,” one of them remarked as they all covered their noses.

Hermione frowned at them. She really needed to talk to Dumbledore about being given the right to take points and assign detentions.

She walked to her rooms and entered them, holding the door open so Raucous could wing in. The raven landed on the back of the armchair, looking at Hermione, grinning. She started to walk by him and he cawed imperiously.

“Oh. Sorry Raucous,” Hermione said, withdrawing her wand and removing the disillusionment spell from him. She looked at the bird.

“So, how did you like Professor Snape?” she asked the bird.

Raucous cawed enthusiastically. Hermione frowned slightly at the bird. Obviously he approved of the Professor’s methods. They deserved each other.

“All right. I’ll slip you into his classroom tomorrow morning before class starts. I have a morning assignment with him, so I’ll be there. Just act like you don’t know me,” she said to the bird.

Raucous cawed. That would be quite easy to do.

“I’ve got to shower,” Hermione said, walking into her room. Raucous followed her and watched as she disrobed. She was a good example of a human female. He watched as the nude witch walked into the shower, then set about investigating her dresser. There were a lot of shiny things. Earrings. He turned them over and over with his beak, letting the torchlight flash off of them prettily. He selected an earring and flew off into the sitting room with it, placing it on the rafter beside him, where he turned it over and over, amusing himself.

Finally the witch reappeared, dressed like a muggle. Raucous clipped his beak disapprovingly. He preferred robes on witches and wizards. He was a traditionalist. He was sure the wizard never dressed in such a manner. Robes suited him.

Hermione ordered dinner, making sure to give Raucous his own meal of fish and potatoes as well. She set his plate on the floor, sat in the armchair and ate her meal deep in thought. The Professor had certainly put her through the paces today. She could tell he enjoyed seeing her up to her elbows in dragon dung by the way his black eyes were glittering, and the sexy little smirk that played across his lips.

She scowled at herself. Even when she was pissed at him, she thought the wizard was sexy. Damn him. She looked at Raucous, who was busily polishing off his potatoes. She needed to talk to someone. Hell, he was a raven, but he understood her.

“Raucous, do you know why I am giving you to the Professor?” she asked the bird, who looked up at her tiredly. He really didn’t care why, so long as he wouldn’t be saddled with her for much longer. He hoped she wasn’t going to tell him.

“Because, he’s alone and needs something or someone to care about,” she said.

The bird sighed. Even he could see the wizard was perfectly content the way he was. He went back to eating his potatoes.

“I was hoping that you could crack the ice around his heart. If he opens himself up to you, he might open himself up to me in the future,” she said rather wistfully.

The bird looked up at her, comprehending the situation immediately. This witch wanted to mate with the dark wizard. Raucous let out a caw of laughter. She was not the Professor’s type at all. Other than being a female, she could hold no attraction for the man. Though the bird thought that he was evil enough to mate with her once and abandon her. He saw nothing wrong with that at all. As a raven, he operated the same way. He looked at the witch consideringly.

So, he was being used as therapy. The witch had her own agenda, and wasn’t giving Raucous to the wizard out of the goodness of her heart after all. He was being used. His birdie brain started percolating. He didn’t like being used. The witch would pay for her duplicity. Raucous knew just what to do in that classroom tomorrow.

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Raucous looked at Hermione balefully, trembling as he fought to keep from pecking her hand as she put the tag around his neck. She had read it to him.

“My name is Raucous. I am a familiar and a gift for you.”

How lame was that? He shifted uncomfortably as the witch looked at the bright yellow tag with approval. She had even tied the pink ribbon in a pretty bow.

“There, you look adorable,” Hermione breathed.

Adorable? Raucous’ beak dropped open for a moment. Then he snapped it shut in exasperation. He really needed to get away from this witch before he did something that would definitely get him hexed.

“All right. Hop up Raucous. We have to move quick,” Hermione said, patting her shoulder. The raven hopped up, and dug his claws into her shoulder.

“Ow!” Hermione said, pushing at the bird who shifted and still gripped her harder than necessary. Finally Hermione managed to get him to loosen up.

“Really Raucous, you don’t know your own strength!” she complained.

Raucous smirked at her, satisfied. He had got a little of his own back.

The bird and the witch exited the rooms, Hermione looking carefully up and down the halls before she sprinted for the Potions classroom, Raucous hanging on, the annoying yellow tag flapping around his glossy black throat.

Hermione slipped into the class, looked around and ran to the Potions Master’s desk. Raucous hopped on it.

“Now, you wait here until he comes in. Good luck,” Hermione said in a low voice. She quickly exited the room. Raucous looked around the classroom, his black eyes falling on the pickled animals in jars sitting on a shelf behind the desk. He cocked his head at them, deciding he liked the atmosphere they created. He walked around the desk, shuffling parchments with his beak but being careful not to move them out of place. The wizard wouldn’t appreciate that. Suddenly he heard the door open. The dark wizard swept in, reading something out of a small book.

Raucous struck an imposing pose, marred by the pretty pink ribbon around his neck. The Professor walked up to the desk, and around it, sitting down, so absorbed in what he was reading, he didn’t notice the raven standing on his desk like a statue.

“CAW!” Raucous cawed by way of announcement, startling the wizard.

Professor Snape looked at the bird startled.

“What are you doing in my classroom? If this is some kind of prank I swear…” the Professor seethed, looking at the raven with a dark scowl.

Raucous stepped toward him, and the Professor’s black eyes fell on the tag. He lifted it and read it, then looked at the bird.

“Since you are a familiar, Raucous, I’ll assume you can understand me. I don’t want you,” the Professor said.

He watched in astonishment as the bird suddenly dropped to its back, writhed around, and clawed at the ribbon around its neck until it tore it off. Then the bird proceeded to shred both the bright yellow tag and ribbon to tiny bits and pieces, then stood over them, its beak open, panting from its efforts. The Professor’s eyebrows raised.

“I take it you have no love of pink ribbons and yellow tags,” the Professor said, smirking despite himself at the bird’s tantrum.

Raucous cawed at him in agreement.

Severus looked at him. He was an interesting bird.

“I sympathize. But be that as it may, Raucous, I am not in need of a familiar. I don’t have time for one,” he said.

Raucous cawed at him, then walked over to the inkwell, pulled the top out of it and set it neatly down, then walked over to the cylinder of quills, selected one and carried it to the ink bottle and dipped it neatly inside, filling the point. He carried the ready quill to the Professor and held it out. The Professor smirked again. The bird was trying to show him he was useful.

“Who sent you to me?” he asked the bird, who hunched his feathers forward in a reasonable facsimile of a shrug.

“Well, I can’t keep you. I imagine you came from the Magical Menagerie. I’ll have to return you,” the wizard said, noting the bird’s feathers drooped a bit. Two students walked in.

“Raucous, please remove yourself to that bookshelf over there until the end of my class. I figure out what to do with you for the rest of day when it is over,” the Professor said.

Raucous obediently flew to the bookshelf as more students came in. Hermione entered as well and took her seat at the back table. She saw Raucous but acted as if she didn’t notice him.

As soon as the class was seated, he walked up and down the rows, returning their parchments to them. As he passed Hermione, he paused, sniffed and wrinkled his nose.

“You did shower after your duties yesterday, didn’t you Miss Granger?” he asked her snarkily. Hermione didn’t smell at all, but that didn’t matter.

Hermione scowled at him.

“Of course I did,” she spat at him.

“Really? I guess it is some other terrible odor I am detecting.”

He sniffed at her delicately, his large nose wrinkling again.

“I detect a distinctly fishlike scent. Maybe a douche would serve you better,” he purred at her.

Hermione turned bright red. Her hand trembled as she fought to keep from pulling out her wand and blasting that smirk off his face. The entire class was looking at her.

“You bastard,” she muttered under her breath.

The Professor arched an eyebrow at her and was about to reply when Raucous made his move, leaping off the bookshelf, soaring over Hermione’s head and unloading a large, wet dropping in her hair. He veered and flew back to the bookshelf, landed, turned and cawed at the Potions Master. That would teach her to mouth off to his Master-to-be.

The Potions Master looked at the dropping soaking into the witch’s hair, then up at the raven, his mouth quirking in a thin smile.

“It appears you need to excuse yourself, Miss Granger. You might want to wash your hair after you douche,” he said snarkily, turning and handing out the rest of the parchments.

Hermione glared up at Raucous, who looked down at her.

“Turncoat,” she hissed at him as she stood up to leave.

In response, Raucous flew at Hermione, beating around her head and pecking at her, driving her from the room as the Professor looked on, amused. He was starting to like this bird.

The Professor gave the class a reading assignment. They had to summarize the chapter and hand in their work at the end of class. He worked on his lesson plan as they read. Raucous studied the students as they read, trying to figure out what else he could do to impress the Professor. He soon found his chance.

A girl student was surreptiously passing a note to a boy seated directly behind her. Raucous cawed loudly, causing the Professor to look up, and the two students to freeze as he swooped down and plucked the note from the girl’s hands, delivering it to the Professor’s desk. Raucous dropped it in front of the wizard.

The Professor looked at the bird, picked up the note opened it and read it. Then he looked at the two guilty students.

“Passing love notes in my class, Miss Bumstile? And you accepting love notes, Mr. Amberstaff? Well, well. You will have time to moon over your burgeoning hormonal attraction in detention. See me after class for details. Both of you,” he said, “Now get back to work.”

The Professor looked at the bird.

“You’re quite a suck-up Raucous,” he said to the raven.

Raucous stepped closer to the Professor and preened his silky hair. The Professor jerked his head back.

“Stop that,” he glowered at the bird.

Raucous cocked a shiny eye at the wizard, then flew back to the bookshelf, and settled there. Severus looked up at him for a good moment, then returned to his lesson plan.

At the end of class, the students departed and the Potions Master and Raucous were left in the class together. Severus put the final touches on next week’s plan, then put it in his top drawer. He looked up at the bird speculatively. Raucous stared down at him.

“Well, I can’t get you to Diagon Alley today. Tomorrow is Saturday, so I can deliver you back to the Magical Menagerie then,” he said to the bird.

Raucous’ heart dropped. He wasn’t going to keep him. He was as good as dead.

Suddenly the door opened and a tall, thin, old wizard in glasses entered. The Professor immediately stood up.

“Good morning, Headmaster,” Severus said to Albus Dumbledore.

“Good morning, Severus my boy. I just stopped by to tell you that I need you to escort some second years to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Minerva has come down with a touch of the flu,” the Headmaster said smiling.

The Potions Master scowled. He hated taking students to Hogsmeade.

“How about Flitwick?” he asked hopefully.

Albus shook his head.

“Last time the Charms Professor took the students to Hogsmeade, he was trampled in a wild rush to the candy shop. I’m afraid it will have to be you, Severus,” the Headmaster said.

The Potions Master was furious. But there was nothing he could do.

Suddenly he saw a motion on the bookshelf. Raucous launched himself toward the Headmaster, swerved and let loose with a large, wet dropping that landed on directly on the left lens of his half-moon glasses.

Albus spluttered as the bird shit dripped down his lens, over his crooked nose and down into his beard. He snatched the glasses off his face, looked up at the raven who was perched on the bookshelf and asked angrily, “What is that?”

The Potions Master looked up at the raven, who stared back at him steadily. He then turned to the Headmaster, who had pulled out a handkerchief and was cleaning off his face, beard and glasses as best he could.

“That,” Severus answered silkily, “Is my new familiar, Raucous.”

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A/N: Lol! Raucous did it. :::shaking head::: Oh man, Hermione must be so pissed. Snape is too rude. His comments to Hermione were waaaaay out of line. What to do about this? I don’t know but something gotta give. Anyway, please review. I need encouragement.

PLEASE REVIEW “BECOMING FAMILAR” >>> NEXT CHAPTER

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The Burning Pen

Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery
by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence. Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately. You are not welcome here. The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 5

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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