Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery

Chapter 5 ~ Something’s Fishy

Hermione had seethed the entire afternoon and long into the night at the Professor’s douche comment, and Raucous’ attack on her. Now she stood at her rooms door, watching for him to leave to perform his chaperone duties. She had heard about McGonagall’s illness, and he was the most obvious choice as an escort for the boisterous second years. He’d put a damper on them all right. She heard the door open and pulled back, leaving only the slightest crack in the door.

Hermione watched as the Potions Master left his rooms with a frown, the traitorous Raucous riding his shoulder as if he had always belonged there. Obviously the bird was accompanying the bastard to Hogsmeade. She knew the Potions Master was purposely being cruel to her in an attempt to discourage her feelings about him. He had come close with the douche comment, but he had said horrible things to her before. Well, she wasn’t going to just take it this time. So, he said he smelled fish, eh?

And Raucous, that bloody bird. He actually attacked her. She knew the raven was trying to impress the Professor, but really. Well, she had a little something in store for the feathered little fiend.

As soon as the pair disappeared out of the corridor, Hermione disillusioned herself and walked out of her room. She had a shopping bag in her hand. She crept up to the Potions Master’s office and after several tries, lifted the ward and entered, closing the door behind her and warding it back.

She then set about trying to locate the trigger that would open his private rooms. She finally found the right combination of pulled torches and books that made the wall open up. She entered his study and removed the disillusionment spell so she could see what she was working with. He had books everywhere. She eyed them hungrily before steeling herself to her purpose.

She opened up the bag and pulled out a large fish. She looked around the room, then opted to put it under the couch cushion, disillusioning it. She placed several fish around the room, making them invisible. The shimmer was hardly perceptible as they were dead. She then walked into his bedroom and hid three fish in there as well, one in the Professor’s wardrobe, one under his bed and even a small one inside his pillow, tearing it open, shoving the dead fish in, disillusioning it, and then magically repairing the seam.

The witched walked back into the study, pulled out her wand and created an illusion up in the rafters. She backed up so she could see it, and smirked. Raucous was going to lose some tail feathers when he saw that. Smiling wickedly, Hermione exited the Potions Master’s room. He would certainly detect the odor of fish now.

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Hermione spent a leisurely day in the castle, catching up on her reading and imagining the reaction of the Potions Master when he returned from Hogsmeade. He would already be in a foul mood. She only wished she could be there when he walked in and that huge protuberance of a nose got a whiff of what was waiting for him. He’d have to search out every fish in the place. There were a total of ten hidden in his rooms. He’d have his work cut out for him.

Hermione made sure to be “walking through” the main hall when the students returned. As she suspected, Severus stalked in with a billow of robes, Raucous on his shoulder and headed scowling for the dungeons corridor. It was suppertime, so Hermione beat a hasty retreat to the Great Hall. She knew that he would immediately finger her, but she didn’t care. Dobby had provided the fish, and the house elf had no problem telling an untruth, so could hide his complicity. Severus would know it was her. Her use of fish in lieu of his ‘douche’ comment would not slip by unnoticed.

Dobby had been delighted that the witch was intending on doing mischief to the Potions Master. Severus treated house elves horribly. Not one elf would have revealed Hermione requested ten raw, smelly fish, but the witch thought it better to have Dobby handle it without the other elves’ knowledge. The dark wizard might have terrorized the information out of the others. Dobby was a veteran of death threats, having belonged to the Malfoys before being freed by Harry Potter in his second year. He could handle the Potions Master’s worst.

Hermione was sure the Potions Master would confront her. She had some occulmency training in university and would be sure to push the memory of planting the fish in his rooms behind the locked mental wall she’d create to hide her guilt. When he confronted her, she’d have some choice words for him too.

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Raucous had been a great help to Severus at Hogsmeade, swooping in on straggling students and making them keep up with the group, then rounding them up when it was time to go, squawking and pecking, driving them to the meeting place, saving the Potions Master a lot of leg work. The bird was enjoying himself. He was never allowed to act in such a manner before. The Potions Master’s smirk of approval made the raven preen several times. He knew instinctively that the wizard was not one to hand out vocal praise, so the smirk spoke volumes. He would have to establish the link soon. Then he would be almost indispensable to the wizard. He would be able to transfer images and converse with him.

As pleased as the wizard was with Raucous, he was still in a foul mood. All he wanted to do was go to his rooms, change and go to supper. After which he would have a few firewhiskeys and listen to his favorite wizarding wireless station. They were going to play Vivaldi tonight, and he was looking forward to it.

He had noticed Hermione making her way toward the Great Hall for supper. He imagined the witch was cooling off toward him now, considering how he had treated and insulted her in the past two days. She was so easy to fuck with. No backbone whatsoever. How did she think he’d ever be attracted to a little pudding-heart like she was, even if he was interested in forming an arrangement with a witch? She would be his last choice. Certainly she was brilliant and beautiful…but beauty meant next to nothing. Yes, she had shown some courage in her earlier years, but she had been coupled with the dubious duo…it is easy to be brave in the company of others. It was when you had to face the dangers alone, that your courage was truly tested. And he lived dangerously every day of his life as a servant of the Dark Lord.

Hermione let him stomp all over her heart, disrespect her publicly and treat her like shit. He could never respect a woman like that. She’d made no attempt to defend herself from him, or even speak up for herself. Let her find some good, kind wizard that would fawn all over her and her purported charms. She had no idea what she was asking for when she set her sights on him. He’d break the witch in half. He was no inexperienced youngster. The witch was crazy for wanting him. Well, if anyone could discourage her, he could. She was stubborn, but nowhere near as stubborn as he was. He’d have her cringing whenever he appeared in no time.

He arrived at his office door and unwarded it. The ward dropped quite easily. A bit too easily. Had someone broken in and raided his stores again? Damn it. He opened his door and stalked directly to his potions stores. After carefully checking it, he found everything in order. Perplexed, he headed back to his rooms, opening the wall. The moment it swung open he was assailed with the powerful scent of fish. Raucous cawed and dipped his head under his wing.

The Potions Master entered his study and looked around. Raucous flew off his shoulder and landed on the back of one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace. Severus could see no cause for the horrible odor. Everything looked to be in place, but the whole room reeked. He cast a freshening spell. Within two minutes, the stench was back.

“What the hell is going on here?” he seethed. He began searching the room, moving chairs, opening his drawers. He opened the lower drawer to his desk and a powerful wash of the odor hit his nostrils, he looked down into the open drawer but could see nothing at first. Then he detected a slight shimmer.

Pointing his wand into the drawer, he said, “Finite Incantatem!”

A dead fish appeared.

The Professor’s black eyes narrowed murderously.

“Granger,” he seethed.

Raucous looked at the black scowl on his face and decided it might be safer on higher ground. He didn’t know the wizard well yet, and it was quite possible he was the type to take his anger out on others. He flew up to the rafters and settled there, looking down at the Potions Master intently. Suddenly he heard a horrible hiss, and turned his head to see a huge snake bearing down on him, its mouth opened to strike.

The bird let out a croak of horror and shit, every feather standing on end. He was so frightened he couldn’t fly and hopped out of reach as the snake struck where he had just been standing. The snake hissed angrily and slid toward him. He squawked desperately and Severus looked up, seeing the snake. He fired a blast at it, splintering the wood of the rafter, but the snake was unaffected as it chased the terrified bird. The Professor shot another blast at it, hitting the snake squarely. The blast passed right through. Realizing it was an illusion, the Potions Master cast one more spell at it.

“Finite Incantatem!’ he said, and the snake disappeared.

A relieved Raucous fluttered down to the floor in front of the Potions Master and cawed a thank you.

“It seems, Raucous, that one backboneless little witch has grown herself a spine,” he said to the bird, musingly. The attack on Raucous cemented that Hermione was behind this. She had a grudge against both of them.

Raucous squawked a birdie obscenity. Hermione had done this to him? Why, why he’d pluck all her hair out…he’d shit in her pumpkin juice…he’d…

“Raucous, don’t worry. I’ll straighten her out,” Severus said.

He was quite surprised. This had been a very Slytherin-like retaliation. Still, she had to pay.

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Severus managed to find seven fish in the study by randomly casting the Finite Incantatem spell. He walked into his bedroom to find the stench in there as well. He cursed under his breath as he located two of the three fish Hermione had hid in there. All of his clothing smelled of fish. He scourgified them but there was still a tiny, noticeable trace that lingered. He didn’t have anything else to wear. He showered and dressed, then headed for supper, an enraged Raucous chattering on his shoulder.

“Behave yourself in the Great Hall, Raucous. Dumbledore doesn’t care for you, and I don’t want you banned,” he said to the raven, who fell silent, seething inwardly, planning all kinds of nasty acts to perform on Hermione. The raven had almost gone white with horror. He hated snakes. Which was quite ironic since he was the familiar of a Slytherin.

The Potions Master arrived just as Hermione was finishing up her food. She noticed him enter but pretended to have no interest. Severus glared down the table at her, then ordered his food. He would confront her later.

Hermione rose from her seat and headed toward the staff exit. It was time for the final jibe. She passed behind the Potions Master and Raucous, then paused. The raven snapped his beak at her viciously. She ignored him and sniffed the Professor.

“Someone has a bit of an odor,” she commented, “Did you shower today, Professor?”

“You are not the least bit amusing, Miss Granger,” he snarled at her. Hermione didn’t even blink.

“If you did shower today, I would suggest a stronger soap. Or maybe you stopped by the brothel in Knockturn Alley while you were supposed to be chaperoning…”

She sniffed him again, delicately.

“Yes, I imagine you did. You smell fishy…like stale pussy,” she said.

Raucous squawked at her indignantly and would have flown at her if the Potions Master hadn’t reached up and grabbed his leg. The bird flopped forward, then scrambled back up to his shoulder.

“Did you get a niccccce little resssssssst on the raftersssssss, Raucous?” Hermione chuckled at the bird.

Raucous cawed curse after curse at the witch as she smugly exited the Great Hall.

The Professor was livid, and it took all of his strength not to follow the witch and throttle her. The other staff members were looking at him. Hermione had made her comment about stale pussy loud enough for everyone to hear. Severus colored slightly, and started on his meal. Raucous hopped down, and the Potions Master passed him a piece of steak. The bird tore at it angrily. Severus knew how he felt.

Well, he’d catch up to Miss Granger in a few. Then there’d be a reckoning.

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A/N: You go Hermione! Lol. Good for both of them, Severus and Raucous. The confrontation ought to be interesting. Please review.

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The Burning Pen

Becoming Familiar with a Man of Misery
by Ruth Solomon

The story content is adult in nature and can contain graphic sex and violence. Those under the age of 18 are asked to leave this site immediately. You are not welcome here. The author is not responsible for those under-aged who view these works.

CHAPTER 6

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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