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Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to JKR. All situations are mine. No $$$ is being made from this fanfic.
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Chapter 3 ~ Tonks Gives Hermione the “Talk”
Hermione was in the kitchen washing dishes by hand. Whenever she got upset, she found doing things the muggle way provided some relief. Working with her hands helped to relieve the stress. Just like battling the golem-Snape in the Room of Requirement a few nights a week helped her work out her frustrations against the Potions Master, though she hadn’t beaten the golem yet. It was almost as skilled as the real Severus, and kicked her ass royally every time she fought it. But she was getting better, and at least managed to get in a couple of blows now.
When she first got the idea to use the Room of Requirement this way, she was very angry and had gone down to the room to work out her aggression, with some ordinary training golems. The room provided her with a forest clearing, which was her preferred scenario. But instead of generating training golems, Severus Snape walked from between the trees.
Hermione had been shocked, but decided to fight the golem, only to discover that the golem did not fight back. She beat it unmercifully anyway. Later, she figured out that the room of requirement had provided her with a passive Severus because all she wanted to do was kick his ass. It had been satisfying kicking the shit out of the golem, but because it didn’t fight back the way the real Severus would have, it was a rather empty victory. Later, she felt dissatisfied. She decided she would have preferred a Severus that fought back.
When she returned to the ROR two nights later, the room again generated the forest clearing and the Severus golem. But this golem took an immediate defensive stance. It was not passive. It’s black eyes glinted with challenge as it made a “come and get it” motion with its pale hands. When Hermione attacked, it deftly stepped aside, whirling and kicking her in the ass, just like the real Severus did, sending her flying face first into the dirt, and smirking at her. The golem couldn’t speak…it was just as well. Hermione could imagine what snarky remark it would have had for her.
Hermione had fought the golem valiantly, but it easily defeated her time and time again, always with that smirk and arched eyebrow when she would leap to her feet and come at it again. Although she couldn’t defeat the Severus-golem, she felt immense satisfaction trying. The first time she got a blow in, an elbow to its nose, breaking it she felt as if she were on cloud nine. But her victory was extremely short-lived. The golem seemed to have Severus’ temper too. It immediately went on the offensive and returned the favor. Luckily for Hermione, the ROR also provided viable healing golems, most of whom looked like Madam Pomfrey, who repaired the worst of her damages. At the end of the scenario, or sometimes in the middle of it, the medi-witch would walk through the trees and attend her with sympathetic eyes, as the Severus golem folded its arms and waited, it’s black eyes glittering.
As Hermione attacked a particularly crusty pot, she hoped that the ROR would recreate today’s kitchen fight, this time with her successfully crowning Severus with the thrown coffee cup and knocking him cold. The kitchen door opened, and Hermione whirled, thinking it might be the Potions Master returning to the fray. But it was Tonks. Hermione looked a little disappointed.
“Hoping I was Severus, eh?” Tonks said, smiling.
Hermione snorted irritably at the mention of the Potions Master’s name.
Tonks sat down at the kitchen table.
“Stop washing dishes and come have a sit with me, Hermione. I want to have a little girl talk,” she said to the witch.
Hermione put the pot into the soapy water, wiped her hands on her sweats, walked over to the table, and sat down across from the spiky-haired Auror. Hermione liked Tonks. She was fun, and a skilled fighter. They sparred at least twice a week. She could almost beat the Auror, but not quite.
“All right, Tonks. What are we talking about today? Kingsley again?” Hermione asked her. Tonks loved to talk about her wizard, sharing details that made Hermione turn colors. It also made her a little envious. For Hermione hadn’t had a love interest in two years. And that was more of a lust interest, one that turned out to be very disappointing.
He had been a wizard from Bulgaria named Sergio, who was visiting Britain for the first time. He met Hermione in a bookstore, and instantly desired her. Sergio had amazing blue eyes, dark hair and a beautiful accent. To Hermione he was exotic, handsome and extremely seductive.
After about two weeks of friendly outings, Sergio had taken Hermione’s virginity in a rather rushed manner after plying her with wine and sweet words. He was so excited he didn’t last long, so Hermione never climaxed. She was unwilling to try again and Sergio returned to Bulgaria shortly afterwards. After the unsatisfactory experience, Hermione decided sex was over-rated and threw herself into Order work.
Tonks thought this was a shame, as did quite a few of the male Order members. Hermione was a lovely young woman, with a killer body, due to all her working out. She had lovely amber eyes, long curling chestnut hair, and a mouth just made for kissing. It didn’t make sense for her to be alone. Many of the men secretly believed Hermione was such an aggressive fighter because she needed a good, stiff fuck. Any one of them would have been willing to help her let off some steam, preferably with her on her back. But Hermione turned every attempt at courting her down flat.
Tonks looked at the witch.
“Hermione, when’s the last time you got laid?” the Auror asked her.
Hermione flushed.
“Two years ago,” she responded quietly. She didn’t like this topic.
“Was it good?” Tonks asked her, suspecting it wasn’t. If Hermione knew how good sex was, the witch would be engaging in it.
“It was fast. Good? Not really,” Hermione replied.
Tonks looked at the witch sympathetically.
“Bet that’s what threw you off the wagon,” the Auror said, “Bad sex is enough to make anybody go cold.”
Hermione frowned. She wasn’t cold. She just wasn’t interested in having some man grunting all over her.
“I’m not cold,” she said, leveling her amber eyes at the Auror. “I just don’t have any interest in anybody.”
Tonks smiled at her. Hermione found her smile a little disturbing.
“I wouldn’t say that,” the Auror said. “I think you are interested in somebody. Somebody in the Order.”
Hermione did a quick mental evaluation of Tonks.
“Tonks, I rarely even talk to any of the males in the Order, you know that,” the witch responded.
“You talk to one of them all the time,” Tonks countered, “though the word ‘talk’ doesn’t quite cover it. ‘Scream’ might be a better word.”
Hermione’s eyes widened. Tonks certainly couldn’t mean Severus. He was an ass. An unbearable, sarcastic ass.
“Tonks, have you been doing Stripe again?” Hermione asked the Auror.
Stripe was a recreational wizarding drug Tonks was known to indulge in from time to time. It was a bit like acid, but could be turned off with an incantation. Tonks was the original wild child.
“No, I haven’t been doing Stripe,” the Auror said in a nasally voice meant to mimic Hermione. “I’m just trying to point out to you that you fight with Severus so much because you’re attracted to him,” she said.
“And how in the hell do you come to that conclusion?” Hermione asked her, frowning.
“Hermione, you are normally very cool and collected. You’ve been locked down under fire by almost a dozen deatheaters and never lost it. You’ve mediated disagreements successfully between other Order members that no one else could get them to budge on. You were mistreated for months when you first joined the Order and never once blew up. But Severus can say one word to you and you are ready to get physical. Why is that?” Tonks asked her.
“It’s because he makes me so mad,” Hermione replied.
“Other people make you mad. You don’t react like that,” Tonks responded.
“But he’s been making me mad for years,” Hermione retorted.
“You think you’d be used to it by now. Learned how to handle it. If I remember correctly, Ronald Weasley used to set you off, but you learned to ignore him. Why can’t you ignore Severus?” Tonks asked her, a knowing smile on her face.
“Because,” Hermione said lamely.
“Because what?” Tonks pressed her.
“Because…because…hell I don’t know why I can’t ignore him. He just gets under my skin,” Hermione said, scowling.
“My point exactly,” Tonks said, “Maybe he needs to get under your sheets.”
“Tonks! Are you fucking insane?” Hermione gasped, “Why in hell would I want to let Severus Snape fuck me?”
“To kill that urge for physical contact for one reason. You think you want to fight with him, but you really want to sleep with him. Trust me, I know the signs,” Tonks said, her hazel eyes serious.
“Tonks. You’re crazy,” Hermione said, standing up.
“Listen. Severus may not be the easiest wizard to get along with, but he is a good man. He nearly sacrificed everything to try and save the wizarding world from Voldemort simply because it was the right thing to do. Plus, he’s brilliant…probably just as brilliant as you are. He’s got a mind that you can deal with, not like these other wizards who are trying to get in your knickers. You wouldn’t be bored with him. And he’s damn sexy too,” Tonks said.
“Sexy? Severus Snape? Ew,” Hermione said, wrinkling her nose.
“You ever look at his eyes? Listen to him talk? I mean really listened to his voice. It’s so silky, smooth, just damn seductive. He’s got the kind of voice that goes right between your thighs. I bet he could talk a woman to orgasm,” Tonks said, looking a bit dreamy. “And that nose. It’s huge. You know what they say about wizards with big noses…”
“Tonks! You talk like you want to sleep with him!” Hermione said, looking at the Auror with wide, disbelieving eyes.
“Before Kingsley, I sure did. He’s so dark, delicious and dangerous. But now I’ve got a dark, dangerous man of my own. But I would’ve done Severus for sure if he wasn’t so damn cold and untouchable,” Tonks confided, “but I don’t think you would have that problem. You get a rise out of him. He heats up when you’re around. You get under his skin too.”
“He heats up all right, but trust me…it’s not that kind of heat,” Hermione said. “If he were a dragon, I’d be fried by now. That’s the kind of heat I inspire.”
“No,” Tonks said, “You do something to him. I can tell. He doesn’t fight like that with anybody else. He usually just snarks them with something sarcastic and keeps going. He doesn’t hang around to keep arguing. I’m telling you, Hermione…there’s sparks between you two. If you got past the fighting, I bet the sex you two could have would be awesome.”
Hermione scowled at the Auror.
“So now you’re telling me, that not only do I secretly want him, but he secretly wants me too,” Hermione said.
“Right in one,” Tonks said smiling at the witch.
“Tonks, I think you’ve taken one too many blows to the head,” Hermione observed, heading for the kitchen door, “You are wrong about this. Completely, undeniably wrong!”
Hermione left the kitchen.
Tonks leaned back in the kitchen chair, and smiled. She knew that Hermione would worry what she said like a bone, turning it over and over in her mind. Then she’d see the logic of it. You only had to plant the seed in fertile ground, and it would grow. Hermione’s mind was definitely fertile ground.
Tonks wondered how Kingsley would do with Severus.
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A/N: Well, Tonks gave her “the talk”. Hermione didn’t take it well either, but that mind of hers probably won’t rest until she’s analyzed everything Tonks said. Please review.
Obsidian_Hair: lol. You got it right in one. Hermione is down in the ROR getting her butt kicked by a Severus golem. Now, stay out of my head! 😉
The Burning Pen
Love Can Be a Battle or a War
by Ruth Solomon